Your child 3-5 years

Why does not he want to kiss?

Why does not he want to kiss?


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Recently, your child refuses to kiss his grandparents to say hello. Same with people he does not know. How to react ? The advice of Marcel Rufo, child psychiatrist.

Why do some children refuse to kiss a stranger and sometimes even a family member?

  • As a parent, we often insist on this subject, saying to the children "Kiss the lady" or "Kiss me". However, a toddler may be reluctant to physically exchange his affectivity because he is ahead of the conception of modesty.
  • This time is important for its development and construction, it must be respected. If this behavior occurs around 2 years, it is a little different, it is that the child enters the phase of opposition.

This situation is sometimes difficult to manage because it can be associated with rudeness. How to do ?

  • Simply explain to grandmother or to the neighbor that your child refuses to kiss, that he is a little modest. But not kisses does not mean he should not say hello. Politeness is unavoidable. Your child should greet his grandmother otherwise, for example by waving his hand.
  • This refusal to kiss can also occur in the baby, around 9/10 months. He will suddenly turn away from others, but this is not abnormal. He is simply anxious about the appearance of a stranger because he understood that he was different, a person in his own right. The others scare him.
  • During this transient period, it is useless to force him to embrace or kiss them.

Find many other tips (500 questions / answers) from Marcel Rufo, in his bookAllo RUFO,€ 22.90, ed., Larousse.

Stéphanie Letellier